I'm just finishing up my stay in Las Vegas, where I was at a "wolf pack" style bachelor weekend for my friend and co-worker Gregg. I think the statement "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" is a good protective strategy. I do not personally have anything to be ashamed of - just to be clear - but I have witnessed a substantial number of occasions of impaired and questionable judgement. That said, I do want to share a few details about some of the ridiculousness I endured.
First off: This whole thing was planned by Gregg's brother Mark, and Mark apparently has some "VIP Dreams" - The overall strategy for the weekend appeared to be "Pay a lot of money for a table at a hip place, buy a lot of alcohol, and sit for a long time". The issue appears to be that there are different levels of VIP, and they will give you the absolute minimum level possible.
Cases in point: Saturday we had a cabana at the Hard Rock Rehab pool where a really very good Trance DJ (Paul Oakenfold) was playing. The Cabana was for 8, but there were only seats for four butts, it was next to a speaker stack, and it was obstructed view of the pool area - we basically got an armpit cabana. Then Saturday night, we reserved a table at XS at the Winn Encore - apparently a very hot spot. The cabana we got was in the very back of the grounds, as far from anything as we could be (though to be fair, close to a bathroom), and outside with no misters or AC, so it was over 100 degrees in our little deathbox. At least this one had room to sit, even if the seats were in the hotbox.
At both of these, we had "Bottle Service", which involves $300 bottles of Vodka (the same bottle you can buy for $20 at... um... anywhere) and pitchers of mixers and ice for you to make your own drinks. At one point, bottles of champagne started showing up. I was not doing the accounting, but I'm fairly certain that our party spent over $5000 between the table fees and drinks at these two venues. My credit card was nowhere near this, and I limited myself to bottles of water, but I'm fully expecting Gregg's brother to start pinging us with desperate emails to help him pay this off... Emails I plan to ignore.
The group was a mix: 2 of us are Gregg's work buddies, his brother, and "bros" from the past - frat brothers, former co-workers. The Bro Pack was a hard drinking crowd, and we had one who showed up at midnight Friday, partied straight through to Saturday afternoon, and disappeared, not to be heard from again. Another was supposed to be the "governor" of the finances, keeping tabs on the costs - but he incapacitated himself early on Friday and spent the entire rest of the weekend maintaining a level of blitzed out staring straight ahead, leaving Gregg's brother to pretty much run wild with the extravagances. Anyway, the rest of the BroPack had a laser-like focus on "partying", and to tell the truth, I'm still not sure of all their names.
As far as we could tell, Gregg was having a great time, and in the end, that's pretty much what this weekend was about. But truth be told, I strongly suspect we could have had at least as much fun with an epic steak and martinis night at a restaurant in Philly... and saved a hell of a lot of money.
Two observations about the HardRock:
1) The Hard Rock Hotel is LOUD. My room overlooked to pool complex, and from 10am to midnight, I was treated to extremely high volume music - be it non-stop dance trance, to rock, and this morning, hip hop. This made it hard to take naps. Last night, the band "Filter" was playing - a 1990s one hit wonder - Hey Man Nice Shot. If you do check out the song, it shouldn't be any surprise that the music is not in any way my style. Their soundcheck was very long, and the tech REALLY wanted to get that kick drum sound right. So yeah, a lot of noise.
2) The Hard Rock Hotel Pool is NOT my scene. I made the observation that if a neutron bomb went off in the pool area, there would be terrible losses in the areas of Tires Plus Assistant Managers, Hair Salon Receptionists, and health club personal training package upgrade salespeople.
Finally, if I do come back to Vegas (and I'm not sure I care to at this point), it will be at a grown up place like the Bellagio or Venetian. These kids are killing me.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Newark Continued...
So we left off last night with me posting from the SkyClub good and late... and at 11 pm, they announced that our flight was indeed canceled - It hadn't left Mpls yet, so our prospective departure time had pushed to 1:30am by this point. Turns out the flight crew had hit the end of their shift so the plane couldn't fly. They rebooked me on an 11:30am flight the next day, with a standby earlier.
By this time, flights had been canceled right and left across the board, so there were no hotel rooms within shuttle distance, so I had to hit the internet and find a hotel a bit further out - a $50 cab ride away, no hotel voucher from Delta. But it was a semi-nice Sheraton - they have very comfy beds, but very loud elevators. I had a good talk with a Delta reservations agent who helped me move my flight to Vegas on Friday... I had planned on being home Thursday PM, spending the morning with the family, and taking a 2pm flight out to Las Vegas for my friend's bachelor party. There was no way this was going to work, so they booked me on a 530 flight instead, and that left me some wiggle room. A Tylenol PM helped ease me into sleep.
I got up and had a leisurely morning - it was pleasant. Starbucks oatmeal and a whole lot of espresso. I caught a cab back up to the airport, intending to arrive a good 2 hours before my flight. Got in a cab and had easily the least pleasant ride of my life with a IWWG (pronounced EarWig) - my acronym for Incredibly Wrong White Guy.
This man expounded on politics, economics, cell phones, healthcare, genetics, homosexuality, and the history of Apple in a nonstop monologue that resisted my every effort to not participate or to steer the conversation elsewhere. And it's important to note, he was not only wrong in terms of I disagreed with him, he was wrong on just about every fact as well. It was like sitting with the Tea Party. I endured it.
I really don't want to get into all of his wrongness, but a sample was "people think Steve Jobs was some sort of genius. He was in and out of Apple over the years, and it took him 25 years to come up with something successful - the iPhone - and it's clever, because it just took a basic concept - touch and put it on a phone. That's not genius, anyone could have said 'make a phone you can touch' - even little kids know that - but I guess he gets this one big idea and now he's a genius. I tell you this, if he was such a genius, why didn't he get treatment for his cancer? Stupid hippie thought yoga and herbs would cure his cancer, and now he's a dead genius."
For 20 minutes I got this. It was not pleasant. He did make the statement "Driving a car, it's not particularly intellectually challenging, so I wind up with a lot of time to think, and that's how I got all this stuff figured out". I just smiled and nodded and just wanted to get to the damn airport and out of his car.
Once at the airport, I heard my name on the overhead - turns out I had been called for an even EARLIER standby flight and it was my last chance to board. This was at 945. GREAT! I'll be able to see the family! I got on board, and discovered a sad sad crowd - most of these people were from the night before, and they had got to the airport at 530 for this flight that was supposed to leave at 630am. It was 945 and they had just boarded. These were tired people. Immediately after closing the boarding door, they announced a 1 hour gate hold for more weather coming through.
The woman two seats over started weeping, and grabbed a barf bag. She proceeded to live under a blanket for the remainder of our flight, occasionally crying out in pain and retching. We stayed at the gate for that hour, then pushed back and sat on the tarmac for 45 more minutes. By law, I think they can't keep us on board for more than 2 hours, and were about to turn back around, when suddenly the weather cleared and we were allowed to leave.
We took off after noon ET, and the 1130 flight I had been scheduled on took off an hour after that, according to the listings. If you're keeping track: I had arrived at Newark at 4pm for a 6pm flight. by 11, I had been sent away, arrived at 930, spent 2 hours on a grounded plane, and was finally in flight. The flight was thankfully uneventful (save for the weeping and retching).
We landed and I leapt off the plane: I had 3 hours before my flight to Vegas, and I was going to see my family come hell or high water: I called Pamela and we agreed to meet at a restaurant halfway between the house and the airport. I raced there, and spent a great hour eating and laughing and recharging my batteries - Bella and Isaac were glued to my sides, and I hugged them non-stop. Pamela had kindly packed me a "Vegas" suitcase, and we swapped my business case for it.
Here's where I need to say I have the most wonderful family in the whole world.
Ok, so I made it back to the airport on time to board my flight to Vegas, which was ON TIME and I am happily ensconced in first class. The Avengers is playing on the in-flight movie, but it's on a tiny tv coming out of the roof of the cabin three rows up, so I think I'll pass for now.
Vegas is going to be fun, but I'm a little nervous about it - it's going to be 9 guys, only two of whom I know, and there have been a series of increasingly "yeah duuude it's going to be AWESOME" emails sent, which leads me to think I'll need to approach this experience as an anthropologist, seeing these alpha males in action. I may also see some boobies. Pretty sure that's going to happen with this crowd.
I'll hydrate.
By this time, flights had been canceled right and left across the board, so there were no hotel rooms within shuttle distance, so I had to hit the internet and find a hotel a bit further out - a $50 cab ride away, no hotel voucher from Delta. But it was a semi-nice Sheraton - they have very comfy beds, but very loud elevators. I had a good talk with a Delta reservations agent who helped me move my flight to Vegas on Friday... I had planned on being home Thursday PM, spending the morning with the family, and taking a 2pm flight out to Las Vegas for my friend's bachelor party. There was no way this was going to work, so they booked me on a 530 flight instead, and that left me some wiggle room. A Tylenol PM helped ease me into sleep.
I got up and had a leisurely morning - it was pleasant. Starbucks oatmeal and a whole lot of espresso. I caught a cab back up to the airport, intending to arrive a good 2 hours before my flight. Got in a cab and had easily the least pleasant ride of my life with a IWWG (pronounced EarWig) - my acronym for Incredibly Wrong White Guy.
This man expounded on politics, economics, cell phones, healthcare, genetics, homosexuality, and the history of Apple in a nonstop monologue that resisted my every effort to not participate or to steer the conversation elsewhere. And it's important to note, he was not only wrong in terms of I disagreed with him, he was wrong on just about every fact as well. It was like sitting with the Tea Party. I endured it.
I really don't want to get into all of his wrongness, but a sample was "people think Steve Jobs was some sort of genius. He was in and out of Apple over the years, and it took him 25 years to come up with something successful - the iPhone - and it's clever, because it just took a basic concept - touch and put it on a phone. That's not genius, anyone could have said 'make a phone you can touch' - even little kids know that - but I guess he gets this one big idea and now he's a genius. I tell you this, if he was such a genius, why didn't he get treatment for his cancer? Stupid hippie thought yoga and herbs would cure his cancer, and now he's a dead genius."
For 20 minutes I got this. It was not pleasant. He did make the statement "Driving a car, it's not particularly intellectually challenging, so I wind up with a lot of time to think, and that's how I got all this stuff figured out". I just smiled and nodded and just wanted to get to the damn airport and out of his car.
Once at the airport, I heard my name on the overhead - turns out I had been called for an even EARLIER standby flight and it was my last chance to board. This was at 945. GREAT! I'll be able to see the family! I got on board, and discovered a sad sad crowd - most of these people were from the night before, and they had got to the airport at 530 for this flight that was supposed to leave at 630am. It was 945 and they had just boarded. These were tired people. Immediately after closing the boarding door, they announced a 1 hour gate hold for more weather coming through.
The woman two seats over started weeping, and grabbed a barf bag. She proceeded to live under a blanket for the remainder of our flight, occasionally crying out in pain and retching. We stayed at the gate for that hour, then pushed back and sat on the tarmac for 45 more minutes. By law, I think they can't keep us on board for more than 2 hours, and were about to turn back around, when suddenly the weather cleared and we were allowed to leave.
We took off after noon ET, and the 1130 flight I had been scheduled on took off an hour after that, according to the listings. If you're keeping track: I had arrived at Newark at 4pm for a 6pm flight. by 11, I had been sent away, arrived at 930, spent 2 hours on a grounded plane, and was finally in flight. The flight was thankfully uneventful (save for the weeping and retching).
We landed and I leapt off the plane: I had 3 hours before my flight to Vegas, and I was going to see my family come hell or high water: I called Pamela and we agreed to meet at a restaurant halfway between the house and the airport. I raced there, and spent a great hour eating and laughing and recharging my batteries - Bella and Isaac were glued to my sides, and I hugged them non-stop. Pamela had kindly packed me a "Vegas" suitcase, and we swapped my business case for it.
Here's where I need to say I have the most wonderful family in the whole world.
Ok, so I made it back to the airport on time to board my flight to Vegas, which was ON TIME and I am happily ensconced in first class. The Avengers is playing on the in-flight movie, but it's on a tiny tv coming out of the roof of the cabin three rows up, so I think I'll pass for now.
Vegas is going to be fun, but I'm a little nervous about it - it's going to be 9 guys, only two of whom I know, and there have been a series of increasingly "yeah duuude it's going to be AWESOME" emails sent, which leads me to think I'll need to approach this experience as an anthropologist, seeing these alpha males in action. I may also see some boobies. Pretty sure that's going to happen with this crowd.
I'll hydrate.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
The Epic Newark Experience
I am writing this from the Sky Club in Newark Airport, where I have been for five hours so far... and appear doomed to remain for several more hours. Flights have been canceled right and left, and the club has slowly emptied out from its original nearly Bangkok Street Market feel, and now there's just us survivors, huddled around the few AC outlets, making sure our lifelines to the outside world remain fully charged.
My flight has slid steadily later, and at this moment, I'm looking at a 1am departure, delayed a full 7 hours from its original time. I am fortunate that I have few commitments on Friday, other than the need to leave for Las Vegas on a 2pm flight for a bachelor party... I am nonetheless grateful to my Amex Platinum which has given me access to this haven: I briefly ventured out into the larger terminal to find some "real food" (a bagel and a naked juice) and it was pretty grim out there.
If this was happening even 24 hours earlier, I suspect this would be throwing me into a crisis, wondering why the hell I'm doing this line of work. I have had a string of unsatisfying engagements recently, where I've felt a lot like the "consultant outsider" who is paid to give advice that nobody pays attention to.
It came to a head with a client where I sat them down and told them straight out: "I am making plans that nobody is following, there is no adherence to the scope of the project, nobody is holding to the schedule: I am not able to manage this project. At this point, the only thing I think I'm bringing to the project is our weekly status meetings where we commiserate about how badly things are going." Their reply was "yes... but we still see some value in that."
It threw me into a little bit of a work crisis - with me wondering if I'm bringing ANY value in the world: My meetings in New York City were of a similar flavor - we're the third group of "Strategic Consultants" this group has employed in the past 2 years, and more than one interviewee tolerated my questions before saying "well, this will just be put on the shelf with the other plans, won't it?"
I parted ways with my local "anchor" client in Minneapolis, and now have nowhere where I'm expected to be: For the past 18 months, I could always just drive to that client and park myself at a desk, walking around, checking in on things... maybe it wasn't always productive work, but it was them paying me to be there. But on the last day of my tenure there, I was reminded of how little they thought of us consultants - the small but private workspace I had carved out for myself (they never ever gave me a cube, of heavens no) was taken apart and I was moved to a "war room" with 20 other contractors. Just for one day.
Now, I have the same amount of work to do (the other clients definitely keep it coming), but just the home office to do it in, and I'm not sure I'm managing my time appropriately... I need to be a little more disciplined. But it's hard because we're also in the middle of a MAJOR home purge/reorganization, and I'm very excited about the changes we're going through... coupled with some major guilt and horror at the piles of books, DVDs, and random electronics that I've somehow accumulated. We have sold, given away, and thrown away at least a full dumpster of stuff, and as I walk through the house, I don't miss a single thing. But I am happy to have this space back, and am resolved to be a lot more intentional about what comes IN the house now.
My meetings in New Jersey today were a boost, however. My input was valued, I got some good next steps identified. I'm feeling valued again (at work - at home I always feel loved - FOR REALSIES) And hey, my time in the Club has let me catch up on a few things I'd been putting off. Like this Blog.
My flight has slid steadily later, and at this moment, I'm looking at a 1am departure, delayed a full 7 hours from its original time. I am fortunate that I have few commitments on Friday, other than the need to leave for Las Vegas on a 2pm flight for a bachelor party... I am nonetheless grateful to my Amex Platinum which has given me access to this haven: I briefly ventured out into the larger terminal to find some "real food" (a bagel and a naked juice) and it was pretty grim out there.
If this was happening even 24 hours earlier, I suspect this would be throwing me into a crisis, wondering why the hell I'm doing this line of work. I have had a string of unsatisfying engagements recently, where I've felt a lot like the "consultant outsider" who is paid to give advice that nobody pays attention to.
It came to a head with a client where I sat them down and told them straight out: "I am making plans that nobody is following, there is no adherence to the scope of the project, nobody is holding to the schedule: I am not able to manage this project. At this point, the only thing I think I'm bringing to the project is our weekly status meetings where we commiserate about how badly things are going." Their reply was "yes... but we still see some value in that."
It threw me into a little bit of a work crisis - with me wondering if I'm bringing ANY value in the world: My meetings in New York City were of a similar flavor - we're the third group of "Strategic Consultants" this group has employed in the past 2 years, and more than one interviewee tolerated my questions before saying "well, this will just be put on the shelf with the other plans, won't it?"
I parted ways with my local "anchor" client in Minneapolis, and now have nowhere where I'm expected to be: For the past 18 months, I could always just drive to that client and park myself at a desk, walking around, checking in on things... maybe it wasn't always productive work, but it was them paying me to be there. But on the last day of my tenure there, I was reminded of how little they thought of us consultants - the small but private workspace I had carved out for myself (they never ever gave me a cube, of heavens no) was taken apart and I was moved to a "war room" with 20 other contractors. Just for one day.
Now, I have the same amount of work to do (the other clients definitely keep it coming), but just the home office to do it in, and I'm not sure I'm managing my time appropriately... I need to be a little more disciplined. But it's hard because we're also in the middle of a MAJOR home purge/reorganization, and I'm very excited about the changes we're going through... coupled with some major guilt and horror at the piles of books, DVDs, and random electronics that I've somehow accumulated. We have sold, given away, and thrown away at least a full dumpster of stuff, and as I walk through the house, I don't miss a single thing. But I am happy to have this space back, and am resolved to be a lot more intentional about what comes IN the house now.
My meetings in New Jersey today were a boost, however. My input was valued, I got some good next steps identified. I'm feeling valued again (at work - at home I always feel loved - FOR REALSIES) And hey, my time in the Club has let me catch up on a few things I'd been putting off. Like this Blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
